By Jordan Mooney.
York has always been one of my favourite cities in the world. It is a place where oddity is an accepted part of life, and while the more cynical of us could claim it is purely for tourist value…there is something beautifully odd about the place. Odd buildings, odd museums, odd attractions, and…perhaps most importantly, the odd people that make up the place. Those responsible for it all happening, the performers, the ringmasters – those that recognise potential and take it.
Of all of these people, my favourite by far is Purpleman.
At first glance it’s a simple enough concept. Instead of knife-throwing unicyclists or old men crouched over keyboards, we’ve got a chap whom is completely purple riding around on his purple bicycle, his coat flapping in the wind, his little canine sitting in the basket.
Despite his normal intentions (and should you speak to him you’ll find him a very mild mannered, genteel man), simply wishing to go on a quick bike ride with his pup, he’s become very popular with tourists and citizens alike. Why?
Well, I, in the name of Cat on the Wall, intend to find out!
This interview has been built with the sole aim of being off of the wall. Purple wall. It is in every way as special as the purple fellow himself, and is sure to knock your purple socks off. And make you question the spelling of purple.
Cat on the Wall: Good day to you, Mr. Purpleman. Would you care to introduce yourself for our regrettably non-purple readers?
Purpleman: Hold on one second, let me move this cat off the keyboard. Purple pussy.
Yes, you are spot on with the ‘Mr’ although ‘Purpleman’ will do nicely. Welcome to PurpleLand dudes and dudesses. Yes, the last time I checked ‘downstairs’ I was male but I do have a strong feminine side and am typing this wearing make up and eye-liner. Normal for me. Yes, I am Purple all over; everything in my life is purple. Everything. So yes, I’m mostly male so that makes me Purpleman or @Purpleman1 on Twitter.
Mostly I sit on a vintage purple bike (Austrian) appearing to be moving very fast but actually going nowhere. I meditate in public, seek to make people happy from the inside out and endeavour to inspire them to think that another life is possible, away from the largely (and arguably) meaningless ‘eat, work, consume, die’ situation we find ourselves in today, at least in this ‘reality.’ I am happpy when people are smiling as a result of their brief encounter with Purpleman and #PurpleLand. Joy and happiness is what we are born with but it gets eroded away. I try and put some back so the cliff doesn’t fall into the sea. Also, very importantly, what I do is ecologically and spiritually ‘pure’, existing in a flawed system by giving out un-conditional love to strangers.
It’s a bit like being a Monk, as someone once said. No comment. You’ll have to read the books for the big purple picture I guess; here you’ll only learn about a few of the jigsaw pieces in a rather complex picture that involves many colours. Things are not at all what they seem in my purple world!
Oh yeah, how do you know your readers aren’t purple; have you seen the contents of their bottom drawers?
COTW: What exactly inspired you to take to the non-purple streets?
Purpleman: Non purple streets? The streets are paved with purple. Confidentially I can tell you that Stonegate in York, the street on which I ‘reveal’ myself on, is soon to be renamed ‘Purplegate’, but please, don’t print that! (Oops, too late! – Ed)
The inspiration came from my heartfelt desire to express what was in my heart, something I’d felt my entire life but which I didn’t have the courage to reveal, partly because I didn’t understand what it was I was feeling inside! Purpleman is not a ‘street performer’ at all, not it the slightest, just someone who is expressing the joy and love he feels in the core of himself, without the limitations of what I conditioned myself to believe I was, compounded by ‘education’, parenting, peers and other forms of ‘thought control.’
There are no purple bricks in this wall. I see no wall.
COTW: Before you came to York’s streets, did you have a ‘normal’ job?
Purpleman: ‘Normal job’ is a phrase that always make me LOL. Sorry, I don’t do normal at all. Lol. When abusers ask why I don’t get a ‘proper job’ I laugh my purple titties off. LMPTO. Work that one out!
I am Purpleman and I am free from all the *ollocks! There, I’ve said it! Ok, back to the question…
No, I never really had a ‘normal’ job but I did have a rather meaningless and tedious existence (15 years plus) in the corporate world of bullshi* and nonsense once (I was a CEO at 20 years of age…blah, blah, blah) where inner-happiness equated to size of bank balance and what car you were driving. I have lived many lifetimes in a short space of ‘time’ but I guess the book will explain things better. Yes, of course it’s printed on purple paper.
COTW: Your website tells us you are one of a worldwide population of 6,387 purple people. Are there yellow people? Blue people? Mauve people? If so, do you associate with them – and where are they?
Purpleman: Website? What website? Must have been set up in a parallel universe by a tech-twin of mine. Everyone I ‘see’ with my mind’s eye appears purple because I do not focus on anything other than the inner person and the awesomeness each person contains. We are all one infinite consciousness; our actions, perceptions and self-beliefs appear to make us different, but we are all one at the deepest level.
Some people have the outward appearance of being non-purple but, deep down, we are all symbolically purple because, to me, purple symbolises freedom, unconditional love and a desire to live from the heart. We all want this but few break free and de-link themselves from ‘the system’ because we mostly all believe it’s actually real with norms to be obeyed. Hello Norman. I associate with all people whatever colour they are, but I am not a socialite at all, preferring a walk in a forest to a shopping maul (correct spelling!). I am not normal and SO happy about that.
COTW: You are seen as quite the remarkable fellow to us non-purple members of the population. No doubt this often results in hostility from the more uncivilised among us. Do you ever feel uncomfortable in your position? Perhaps you consider moving to one of the many purple cities in the United States?
Purpleman: I am not remarkable, you are; I am merely following my heart, largely free from decades of conditioning and mental programming that took place in my earlier years. I broke free as Purpleman; if my purpleness can inspire others then I’m happy. Job done. Purpleman is gratefully un-plugged from ‘the system’ and most definitely tuned-in to a rather positive, loving vibration… 99% of the time!
Purpleman does not encounter / ‘see’ hostility, merely people choosing to express their affection in a manner others may regards as aggressive and violent. Yes, I do tend to see the positive in every situation. #PurplePoz.
Although I have been ‘attacked’ several times and ‘abused’ hundreds of times, I forgive all physical and verbal actions un-conditionally. However, I do reserve the right to utter expletives under my breath and occasionally mentally beat certain abusers about the head with a foam baseball bat!! Purple foam baseball bat!!!
I do not think ‘fear’, focusing on the positive aspects of what I do. Stop thinking I am remarkable and focus on how amazing you are. Hey, you’d look better in purple though; ask one of your readers if you can borrow something from their bottom drawer!
COTW: What are your honest options on the city of York? Is there anything you dislike or would like to change about the ‘capital of the North’?
Purpleman: York is a magnificent, energetic, creative and vibrant city, but the white lines are the wrong colour. So are the street lights. Orange? Purple is better. York Council are fab but the white lines and street lights need to be purple, dudes.
Oh yes, and more purple litter bins and free parking for spacecraft please. Also, free purple sausages for all visiting purple animals. Finally, more effective paint remover for dignitaries’ homes. Yes, sorry to the Lord Mayor of York for the splodge of purple paint on the banister at the Mansion House. It was me! Sliding down your banister had been on my purple bucket list for ages. I tried to rub it off, but…
Also, Constantine the Roman Emperor used to wear a purple G-string. This is true; ask any Tour Guide in York. Overall, York is excruciatingly ace, but Stonegate MUST be renamed ‘Purplegate’ without further delay.
COTW: What is your favourite music? Is there any particular group of non-purple-people you associate with most?
Purpleman: I don’t have a favourite music or anything else, but I do love tuning into a good vibration, Choosing one thing above another can prevent you from trying something new. I love all kinds of music, especially piano music (Piano Concertos in particular) and nature sounds. I can quite happily listen to hours of bird song for example. In a past life I was a piano teacher and the proud owner of a purple grand piano.
Don’t print this, (Oops, too late again! -Ed) but I once owned a Barry Manilow album. Loved it, especially when he sings about making it through the purple rain. But if you want a ‘normal’ answer I do like Deep Purple but ‘Purple Haze‘ is not a favourite song.
In terms of ‘associating’ with non-purple people, I do not, unless they are positive, open-hearted and on the same frequency….ish. Lol. I do not associate with ‘street performers’; why can’t they get normal jobs?! Lol.
COTW: Over the years you have met many famous people on your purple cycling travels. Whom is the biggest celebrity you have introduced to your purple way of life?
Purpleman: Everyone reading this is a celebrity and a person of infinite potential. The culture of ‘celebrity’ is a nonsense to me as the vast majority of them are manufactured by money-motivated manipulators. Most have done nothing really meaningful and life-enhancing. ‘Get me out of here, I don’t want to be a Celebrity.’
I can give you a list of some of the people Purpleman has met, without comment. David Gest, Tony Blackburn, David Hockney, Craig Charles, Shabnam (Bangladeshi / Pakistani actress), David Dickinson, Eric Knowles, Toyah Wilcox, Fiona Bruce, Waheeda Rehman (Bollywood icon from yesteryear) Eddie Izzard, Syd Little, Justin Beiber*, Slash*, Paul McKenna*, various musicians and rock stars, Ross Noble and loads more…but the biggest celebrity is you, without exception.
*They told me they were lookalikes; having no TV how was I to know if they were real or not? What is real! Love is. #PurpleLove.
I do not have a TV and am often blissfully unaware of celebrities when they walk past. Recently a ‘well-known’ TV presenter was nearby with his film-crew waiting to catch my attention and for me to say ‘wow’. I hadn’t a clue who he was and just ignored him. Lol.
The real celebrities are those who make the world a better place. With some notable exceptions, most 21st century celebrities are manufactured money-making machines who care solely for pumping up their egos and bank balances. Of all celebrities I’ve met, the one who was most ‘tuned-in’ to the purple wavelength was that Ross Noble dude.
COTW: What can you tell us about your little purple dog in your little purple bike basket?
Purpleman: That’s not a dog, that’s the ex-wife! She just look like a dog. Lol.
Seriously, my adorable purple doggie is called ‘Bubbles’ because she makes funny noises when in the bath. Yes, the purple bath. She farts in the bath. Incessantly. She is ‘forever blowing bubbles’ in the bath and is, of course, a passionate West Ham football fan and season ticket holder.
Over the years Bubbles has had many puppies so the house is full of purple dogs and other purple animals. There are even a few cats; purple pussies. It’s rather like a zoo without the cages. If anyone would like a purple puppy, please get in touch. Free to a good home…but it must be a purple home. Paint can be provided if required. She loves eating sausages and so do her puppies. Purple sausages. Nom, nom.
COTW: And what are your purple plans for the future?
Purpleman: In Purpleland there is no time. Purpleman does not plan, he is a creature of instinct whose life is heart-driven and organic. In making plans one can often miss so much that could be beneficial, beautiful and spontaneous. All I do is try and fill each moment with positivity, un-conditional love and happiness, spreading it to as many other life-forms as I can. Creatively, much is going on – books, film, art exhibition and a classical music concert etc.
Oh yeah, and I’ve just secured the contract to re-paint York Minster. They want it purple, to match the colour of Constantine’s G String. True. Purpleman is a serial creative fruit cake; creative thought is my passion fruit. But, anything could happen in that time you call the ‘future’; it could be that I choose to disappear, never to be seen again. Possible!
COTW: That is all, Mr. Purpleman! Thank you very much for taking the time to speak with us and we hope to see you again soon!
Purpleman: If you think this interview is all *ollocks, that’s fine. However, if we do live in a holographic uni/multiverse then, perhaps, it and everything else is. Lol. Much love to you too, especially the purple ones.
Thanks for watching. Love from Purpleman xxx
With that, a cheer, and the throwing of a purple paintbrush to my person, the man retired, back to his city, on his purple bike, leaving a purple trail.
Purpleman is one of those many exciting, unusual people you come across quite by accident in the world. If, however, you wish to seek him, you can do so in cyberspace quite easily. Purpleman’s web aliases can be found below:
Twitter – @Purpleman1
Facebook – Purpleman
Until then, should you see a purple fellow riding his bike up and down Stonegate at a ridiculous velocity – without actually moving – tell him Cat on the Wall sent you. And put a few pound coins in his purple paint tins! Purple sausages aren’t cheap.
Incidentally, some of the more observant of you will realise this is the first article since Cat on the Wall was handed over to me – Jordan – from Miss Jo Whitby and Celine Lux. While I do plan to do a proper introduction piece in time, I hope for now this shall put a stop to any fears of changes in style or principle in the Webzine. I thank you all for your support and promise to do you all proud.
Cat on the Wall and indeed all contributors would like to thank Jo and Celine for an incredible service in running a webzine full of talented individuals and wonderful content. We aim to keep the tradition of supreme standards for the foreseeable future. If you believe you can help, and have content to provide us, do not hesitate to contact me at JORDAN@CATONTHEWALL.NET.
I look forward to hearing from you.
– Jordan Mooney